Monday, November 14, 2011


I have not done well over the past few days. 

The holiday spirit is affecting me and as a result I have spent a lot of money that I shouldn't have on things I just don't need. 

Over the weekend, I got into our garage and started sorting things out.  I made my way through bags upon bags of things I had stashed in the garage - hidden from my husband.  Craft supplies, books, bags from thrift stores.  As I made piles - things to take to Goodwill, boxes of the girls' clothes to share among friends, and a huge box to donate to Toys for Tots - I realize how sick I am and how this addiction has me in it's grip.   All that money - gone.

I did bite the bullet and listed some items for sale on eBay.  It's not much, but it's a start.  I also listed a bunch of books on a swap site.  If I build up credits, then I can use them instead of cash to satisfy that affair that I have with books.  I deposited money into my postage account so that I'm able to mail the books this week.  I just need to follow through.  I have a problem with following through with my obligations -- which spills over into paying bills.

We finally sold my husband's car.  The cash we received will be used toward new tires for my vehicle.  My husband is holding the money because I just know that I would spend it if left to my control.

We also have a plan for his extra military pay.  When it is deposited, we will go straight to the bank, withdraw it and put it into an envelope that he will hold (hide from me).  That money will be used for Christmas.

I have also decided to challenge myself and take my debit card out of my wallet.  I have $10 in cash in there -- and that will be enough -- because, just for today, I DO NOT NEED ANYTHING.

Because of my splurge, I have to reset my debt clock.  I didn't even make it a week.  So frustrated and disappointed.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Today - 11/3

This morning I woke up to a checking account that, for the first time in many months, has not been depleted due to overdrafts.  This is a HUGE thing for me and such a good feeling.  I am a little stressed though because that money IS there.  It's such a temptation.  I'm afraid to go grocery shopping today.  But it's something I have to do.  I can't avoid it.  I have a list, but I still tend to stray from that list.  I will continue to pray for strength today to avoid the temptation.  THERE IS NOTHING EXTRA I NEED. 
I'm still living in a fog of vagueness, underearning, and overspending......but I have made a conscious decision to just stop, with the help of God.  I got on my knees and turned it over to Him.  I cannot do this alone any longer.
But I'm so overwhelmed with where to start.  I have a personality deficiency of immediate gratification.  I want it now.  I want immediate results.  It's what got me into this mess to begin with.  But it's not about me anymore.  It's about my family and the example that I'm setting for my daughters.  I don't want them, in 30 years, to be sitting in this same exact place.  The only difference is that I won't be able to help them out the way my parents have helped me out.
So, some small steps.
1.  I now keep a small notebook with my wallet.  Receipts and every cent spent gets written down.
2.  We have opened a savings account in my husband's name only.  All his extra pay will be deposited into this account. 
For today I will pray for strength not to debt.